The Manly Elf
by Halli Lote
Summary: Legolas gets a, erm, makeover from his friend
1. Sing a Song of Six Plants

Disclaimer: I only wish I owned Legolas. If I owned him and/or any LotR stuff, I would more likely be shopping than sitting here at my computer, now wouldn't I? Also, slight references to episodes from the cartoon "The Weekenders" and Monty Python. I don't own the Weekenders or Monty Python.

AN: By the way, this may seem a *bit* similar to the beginning of the fic "Not So Truly Yours, Anonymous" by Elenea. She's my cousin. I stole it. She said I could. No flaming.

Legolas sighed and began twirling a lock of his long, blonde hair around his finger. _Immortality is so boring_. He thought. _But I like trees… _Suddenly, he smiled. He began to sing. First in the tune of that "beans" song.

"Trees, trees, the musical plant!

They grow in the grass, they grow in the sand!

Um…" 

Then in the tune of that song that goes "We got your name, la la la, we got your name, la la la, everybody knows that we got your name" that's on that stealingmonday.uk site or whatever it is.

"I like trees!

I like trees!

They like me!

Everybody knows that I like trees…"

He then continued on to the tune of the Monty Python "spam" song.

"Trees trees trees tress, trees trees trees trees, BEAUTIFUL TREES!"

He was suddenly walloped upside the head from behind. "Shut up, you tree-hugger!"

"Owwww….  Amara!"

"Sorry," Amara didn't even blink an eyelash. "You were singing about trees again."

"Really?"

"Remember that rule we agreed on? NO SINGING ABOUT ANY PLANTS WHATSOEVER!"

"You mean, I was doing that OUT LOUD?" (Weekenders reference here…)

"Uh, yeah."

"Oh. So no tree songs?"

"Nope."

"What about bushes?"

"Sorry."

"Shrubberies? Please let me sing about shrubberies!"

"Absolutely not."

Legolas pouted. "Fine. What about flowers?"

"NO! NO PLANTS WHATSOEVER!"

"Herring? A herring isn't a plant…"

Amara gave an exasperated sigh. "Fine. But I'm warning you…"

"YAY!!!"

Once again, Legolas began to sing. This time, to his own little tune.

"Everybody loves herrrrrrrings!

You know you love heeeeeeeerrrrrrrings!

I love them, they love me

Use them to chop down those mighty trees!"

"OH MY GOD!!! LEGOLAS, SHUT UP ABOUT TREES!!"

"Heh heh heh… sorry Amara…"

"Oh, you will be sorry…"

"Eep…" With one look at his friend, Legolas jumped to his feet and ran as fast as he could.

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AN: Okay, that would be the first chapter. Don't worry, it'll get better… that is, if I get some reviews here people. No, even if you don't review I'll keep going. I just like writing. That would probably explain why I'm a poet and a novelist in my *spare* time i.e. during my more boring classes… anyway, R&R


	2. RUNAWAY!

Disclaimer: If I really owned any of this (except for Amara) do you really think I'd be sitting around on my butt all day in my pajamas? Nah, I'd at least put on some wicked expensive designer pajamas!

AN: Yes, Lindsay I love you too! Lol, thanks for reviewing! Anyway, sorry about the formatting on the last chapter. I already fixed it, but it hasn't shown up yet. (And if it has, then problem solved! *grin*) So… without further ado, here is chapter 2!

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With both a roar and a laugh, Amara sprang to her feet and ran after him. She was smaller and a faster runner and had caught him within a minute. With another laugh, she tackled him from behind, sending him sprawling to the ground. Seeing him there, face down on the grass, she waited for him to roll over and then just gave him an incredibly smug smile. "Gotcha."

"Owwww……"

"Oh that didn't hurt!"

"Owwww……"

"Oh, shut up!"

"Owwww……"

"Would you please just quit your complaining?"

"I'm going to start whining if you don't get off of me…"

Amara sprang back.

Legolas smiled. "Heh heh heh… works every time!"

"Yeah, yeah, come on. Let's get you up." She extended a hand down to him. He took it gratefully, but she then saw the look on his face. "Oh dear…"

With a quick jolt, he pulled her down and tackled her. For a moment, he just looked down at her. Then he stuck out his tongue and ran. He looked over his shoulder to see her struggle up and begin to chase him. Fortunately, he had gotten enough of a head start. He ran into the palace door and slammed it shut behind him.

Amara glared at her friend through the window. "Legolas, let me in!"

"Sorry, what? I can't hear you!"

"Yes you can! Let me in!" she pounded on the door

"What?"

"Very funny, now let me in."

Tentatively, Legolas cracked the door open a bit. He stuck his head out around.

"Thank you,"

"Trees!" Legolas ran.

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AN: Sorry, that chapter was pretty short. Anyway, no I have not gotten to the plot yet. I'm just messing around while I'm bored. Ta! (R&R please!)


	3. That Fateful Dinner

Disclaimer: I own Amara and Legolas *grin*

Random voice: Ahem… Halli…

Me: What?

Random voice: Is that right?

Me: *sigh* fine. I own Amara. *Pout*

AN: Thank you to the people who've reviewed my fic! It really means a lot to me! I like to know what people think of my work. Eh… anyway… chapter three!

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That night at dinner, they couldn't look each other in the eye without bursting into insane laughter. Amara wasn't exactly the king's heir, but she was still best friends with the true heir, so she sat a few seats down from him. Looking away from her friend again, Amara bit her lip to stifle another giggle. She slammed her eyes shut and began rocking back and forth. With a deep breath, she regained her composure and turned back to her food. She couldn't help herself. She glanced up at her friend again.

He noticed her glance and caught her eye. Silently he glanced at his father and looked back to her. "Trees," he whispered.

Amara snorted and Legolas burst out laughing. Legolas' father, King Thranduil looked at them oddly. "May I ask what's going on here?"

"Sorry, Dad." Legolas tried desperately to just bite down on his laughter. "We were just thinking about something."

"Uh huh…" Thranduil lifted his chin and turned away from them again.

Amara practically began banging her head on the table to keep the laughter away. Legolas actually thought that she had when he heard a knock on the door. A guard looked quickly to Thranduil, who nodded. The guard approached the door and opened it slowly. A beaten, raggedy girl stood there, shyly wringing her hands. Thranduil stood.

"Sir," she began. "My friends and I were captured by orcs a few months back. We were finally able to fend them off when we reached your forest here, Mirkwood. Please, we had been hoping to possibly stay here for a bit of time? We won't stay long. We just can't begin our journey back home in the condition that most of us are in. My sister's lungs are probably black by now from the foul air that surrounds such creatures. After spending so long in such company, anything you can offer us would be highly welcome."

Thranduil cleared his throat. "How many are there of you?"

"Only about twenty, sir."

"Very well. You will have food and shelter as well as any kind of medication you require here as long as you need. We will prepare you adequately for your journey to your home."

"Oh! Thank you, your highness!"

Thranduil nodded. "What is your name?"

"Sonya."

"Well, Sonya, I welcome you to Mirkwood and I sincerely hope that you have an enjoyable stay."

"Thank you, sir." She nodded back to him and began to turn toward the door. Then she saw Legolas and stopped. "Is that the prince, there? The one who was part of the Fellowship? Legolas, right? Is that his name?"

"Yes, Sonya, it is."

Sonya gave a huge smile.

"Oh dear…" thought Legolas. He saw the evil in that smile. He knew what he was in for.

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AN: Well, that was also a pretty short chapter. By the way, if there's anyone out there who's incredibly obsessed with Legolas and would like me to put them into the fic, just send a review saying so. By the way, it will definitely help if you don't mind having a bit of fun poked at you… Anyways, R&R!


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